This movie is all anyone could ask for–ever. Never in the history of cinematography has a movie provided exactly what the people wanted. In this specific case: mother-fuckin’ sharks IN mother-fucking tornadoes! From a scale of one to ten, this movie is a thirty-seven.

Though the entire thing was pure gold, there were two distinct scenes that really stood out. The first was when the main bar girl (the one who tried to kiss her boss but eventually settles for his son) is up in the helicopter attempting to drop crudely-built-but-somehow-amazingly-proficient bombs into the heart of the third tornado–(because, as everyone knows, if you drop a homemade bomb into a tornado it dissolves; as a sidenote, I was happy they explained that fact to the layman)–anyway, she’s about to drop the bomb, but out of nowhere a shark comes out of the vortex and starts chopping onto the bottom of the helicopter. Well, she doesn’t take kindly to that at all! With words of spite and anger (she had a previous run-in with sharks when she was younger so has reason to hate them) she hits it with a blunt object and it falls back into the spiraling cone. But then, almost without warning, she slips and is herself whisked silently into the tornado. And a shark comes out of nowhere and consumes her whole and then disappears back into the tornado. It all happens so fast you don’t know what took place; but it’s not until the helicopter pilot (the main character’s son) realizes she’s gone that he starts screaming (“no, no, no!”) and pleading that life not to be so cruel. Powerful stuff!

Next epic moment is toward the end of the movie, when the third tornado is finally vanquished (by using an SUV with a convenient ‘NAS’ button [you know, like from Fast and the Furious] and hurtling it into the tornado with a large bomb inside)– that’s when the best and most amazing scene ever in the history of the world takes place. Of course being the biggest tornado of the bunch, it has the greatest number of sharks. With the funnel dissipated, the sharks have no where to go but down — and down they come in the tens of thousands. The main guy’s daughter is just standing there like an idiot thinking the worst is over, when a large shark comes hurtling at her! Well, this is where slow motion really plays a pivotal role in any on-air moments I’ve ever seen — even since Baywatch. The main dude grabs his chainsaw and flies at his daughter, knocking her out of the way. Then he slow-motion JUMPS into the shark head/chainsaw first–which has it’s mouth wide open, ready to receive the tasty man-treat. Well — as you might imagine: there is a pregnant pause as everyone knows our hero is dead.

And let me stop here and say he really is a hero! Never in a 90 minute span will you ever in another movie see a protagonist save from sharks both an entire bus filled with small children AND an entire retirement community. But anyway – he’s in the shark and everyone is in sheer disbelief this could happen to our hero and protagonist. Women are screaming. The shark has almost a pleased look on its fishy face. His son keeps saying “NO, NO, NO.” But then – when all hope seems lost – there is a rumbling. And that rumbling gets louder and becomes a slow sawing. There is a chainsaw running in the belly of that beast! An eternity seems to pass…but then the moving blade breaks through the fishy skin and out comes our hero. But wait! He goes back in … and comes out with … the girl who had fallen into the tornado and been eaten by a shark an hour ago. After a brief bout of CPR by the son she’s quickly revived and is coherent enough to even make a snarky comment about her hatred of sharks.

Awesome ending. Awesome movie. And what are the odds that the shark falling from the sky just happened to be the SAME one in a million that had eaten the main girl character?? Wow! What a movie! Great script. Great acting. Great shark effects.

So in conclusion – if you like tornadoes, and you like sharks: you’ll LOVE this fucking movie.

P.S. As an added bonus, I was pleased to see that Mr McCallister (from Home Alone) played a pivotal role in this movie …making it even more awesomer if that was even possible. Happy to see his career is back on top.

Sean Dempsey (7 Posts)

Sean is an avid movie- and people-watcher. He enjoys the finer things in life such as stinky cheeses, un-stinky women, and meaty chicken salad.